Seasonal Grief: Why You May Notice More Grief as The Seasons Change
I live in Mesa, Arizona, and other than our scorching hot summers, we are not known for our seasons here. It's mid-October, and it will be 87 degrees today. There's still no crispness to the air, it's not sweater weather, and there is not an autumn leaf in sight. I love all those things, and I miss living in a place with actual seasons. But that's not what I am talking about with seasonal grief.
Seasonal grief is when the changing seasons remind us of or reinforce the significance of our loss. Let's talk about this in three ways.
Three Ways Seasonal Grief Impacts Us
1. The seasons are a tangible marker of the passage of time.
Any time there is a tangible marker of the passage of time, like a birthday, a holiday, or an anniversary, we are made aware of time itself. And time can be a tricky thing for grievers. It reminds us of how long it has been since our loss. You may have the thought, "Wow, it's been six months since I've seen him now." Or maybe it seems like a very long time, but your loss was only three months ago, which may feel discouraging.
Tangible markers in time can also cause us to question our healing process. "Six months have passed; shouldn't I feel better by now?" "I was hoping that I'd feel stronger by spring after the winter holidays."
Time itself doesn't do anything to help us heal. But when we are forced to confront how much time has passed, that can create thoughts for us about how our grief process is going and reminders about how long we have been grieving.
2. We may have memories and traditions connected to the seasons.
People tend to have traditions and memories connected to the seasons, so revisiting those memories or participating in those traditions after we've experienced loss can be painful reminders that things have changed.
If Mom always made her famous chili in the fall when you carve pumpkins, it makes sense that you will miss her when it's time to carve pumpkins, and she isn't here for it.
If you have a family campout every year in the same place, you may be reminded of the time Grandpa pretended to be a bear outside your tent to scare you, and you might wish he was still around to do that for your own children.
If your sister loves spring, and you'd always text her when the first daffodil of the season blooms, you might go to text her next spring before you are reminded that she is gone.
If your husband always carved the Thanksgiving turkey with funny flair, after your divorce, you may feel hurt and angry on Thanksgiving because just seeing the turkey brings up memories and makes you wish things were different in your life.
3. The seasons themselves can be reminders of the cycle of life.
Nature is a great teacher. So much of our lives mirror that of the natural world. So it makes sense that the cycles of life and death in nature remind us of the same cycle in our own lives.
Fall and winter imagery can be a visual reminder of death and loss as autumn's vibrant orange and yellow leaves eventually fall off, and we are left with bare branches. Other plants go dormant. There is less available daylight. Animals may tend to hibernate or migrate to warmer places. This can leave us feeling bleak and hopeless.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is depression that appears most often in fall and winter (in the northern hemisphere) when our exposure to daylight is much less. This very real phenomenon can make life very difficult for people in these months. Grieving may be exacerbated by Seasonal Affective Disorder. Find out more about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) HERE. If you are dealing with SAD, there are treatments available -- please don't suffer alone. Reach out to your doctor or your mental health provider for help.
Self-compassion Is Key When Feeling Seasonal Grief
Remember, grief is a normal and natural response, and grief does not just gradually taper off. It is very normal for grief to ebb and flow. So even if you were feeling better at one point, feelings of grief might pop up again. Seasonal shifts can trigger this, and knowing that makes it easier not to make ourselves wrong about our feelings. Instead of thinking, "Ugh, what is wrong with me!" you can try lending yourself compassion and understanding. "Of course I'm missing my person right now. Fall was our favorite season, and I have so many wonderful memories. It hurts to miss them during this time of year, and it's okay that it does."
If you feel you need additional support to process your grief and emotions so that you can look back with more joy and less pain, schedule a free consultation call with me HERE.
