Celebrating A Life: How to Host A Meaningful Memory Gathering
After someone we love dies, there’s usually a funeral or a celebration of life. These can be beautiful ways to honor the life of our person and revisit memories of them. However, sometimes, we want to do something more to honor our memories of someone in a more specific and/or casual way, and a special way to do that is to host a memory gathering.
Why host a memory gathering?
A memory gathering can be organized for many reasons. Perhaps you have lost a friend, and the funeral was, of course, more family-focused. You could host a memory gathering of friends to share stories and photos that weren’t shared at a more formal funeral. You could host a memory gathering to celebrate the birthday of your loved one or to bring their memory into a holiday gathering. You might want the comfort of memories and community on the anniversary of their death or other significant day. The reasons could be endless and personal to you.
One great reason to do this is that the power of sharing our collective grief can be very healing. Hearing others’ stories and experiences can be validating as we struggle to feel like maybe we are the only ones still having a hard time. Grief can be a lonely and isolating experience, and finding out you are not alone in your feelings, especially of the same person, can make you feel less alone. Shared memories can create bonds of new and stronger friendship.
Hearing stories of our loved ones allows us to learn new things about them since every relationship is unique. Stories can give us new perspectives and help us see our loved ones in a new light. Telling stories can help us make meaning from our loss and hold onto what matters while letting go of some of that emotional pain.
Things to consider during the planning phase.
Here are a few things you might want to consider as you are planning your memory gathering:
Date and Time. Is your date flexible enough to make it convenient to attend, or is this a specific date for a reason?
Desired Mood. Are you hoping for something sentimental and emotional, or are you hoping for something more celebratory and fun? The answer to this will help you focus your guest list and the activities you plan at the gathering. And then make sure you communicate that to the invitees.
Guest List. Consider not only who should be included but also who will bring the kind of energy you want to this gathering.
Theme or Focus. This goes hand in hand with the mood. But are you gathering to share grandma’s favorite recipes? Are you hiking together to watch the sunrise from your person’s favorite view on their birthday? Are you all wearing orange to watch the football game together? Are you gathering outside around a campfire to share stories and memories? Whatever your theme or focus is, this also needs to be communicated so that your participants know what to expect and prepare for.
Ideas for your memory gathering.
Here are a few ideas for activities and themes to express your creativity.
Host a gathering where everyone brings a story or memory to share with the group. Have the participants send you the stories in advance, and you can bind them in a book and later share copies with the group.
Host a potluck gathering where everyone brings a dish that is either your loved one’s recipe or a dish that reminds them of the loved one. You can swap stories and recipes. And again, those recipes could be collected and bound into a book as a keepsake.
Wear your person’s favorite color as a group and do something meaningful together, such as a community service project, a hike, a race, or attending an event.
Plant a tree together. Everyone can share a memory as you do the physical work of planting the tree.
Collect photos and videos and prepare a slideshow or video set to music to watch together.
Take a trip or go on a hike together somewhere that is meaningful to your relationship with your person. Set aside time to remember them and why they loved that place.
Gather to watch your loved one’s favorite movie and share stories and memories afterward.
For birthday-specific ideas, please see my blog post on meaningful ways to celebrate birthdays HERE.
Some things to keep in mind.
Some of the people you invite may not be comfortable attending, and that is okay. We want to encourage people to come but also respect that they may not have the emotional bandwidth to handle this right now. Or they may not feel comfortable showing vulnerable emotions in front of a group. Others may feel that the funeral was enough for them, and they don’t need to dig up those emotions again. It’s okay if this memory gathering isn’t for everyone.
Even if you are planning a light-hearted memory gathering, make space for the fact that there will likely be some tears along with the laughter. This should be expected and okay.
You may notice that someone in your group is struggling with the loss more than the rest of you are. Someone may also use this safe space to confide that they are struggling. If this is the case, you may want to have some resources on hand to share.
If you want to host a memory gathering but are in too much pain to do much looking back, please set up a free consultation call with me HERE. I help my clients work through the emotional pain of grief so that they can honor the memory of who or what has been lost and find hope as they move forward.
