Honoring Those We’ve Lost During the Holidays
The holiday season is full of memories and traditions that serve as reminders that our loved one is no longer here to celebrate with us. This can make the holidays especially painful. Many people want to find ways to ensure their loved one is remembered and honored during this season. Even for people who experienced loss years ago, it can be healing to ensure that the memory of their loved one remains part of their holidays as they work to build new traditions and memories.
Here are six ideas for honoring lost loved ones during the holidays.
1. Honor someone with an ornament.
Whether you hang ornaments on a tree, a wreath, or a garland, a special decoration can be a great way to keep someone's memory alive. Many places make custom memorial ornaments -- here's a link to a few makers on Etsy. You can also find options at Hallmark, Amazon, and photo printing sites, to name a few. It might also be a healing project to make yourself. You can find many DIY ideas with instructions on Pinterest if you search "memorial ornaments."
If that's not your style, you could find an ornament that represents something about your loved one -- maybe one of their hobbies or a favorite place or animal. Those kinds of ornaments can be a more subtle reminder but still just as meaningful.
2. Holiday decorations at the cemetery.
If your loved one is buried in a cemetery, and it's a place where you find peace and comfort, you may want to bring small decorations, a tree, a wreath, or flowers to their grave. Please look up your cemetery's policies and guidance for decorations ahead of time to make sure that your plans are okay.
Not everyone finds comfort at a cemetery. If you don't, that's okay. If you do, please do not pressure others to attend or participate if they find it difficult or uncomfortable. It's important to remember that everyone grieves in their own way -- even during the holidays.
3. Display a photo.
Maybe you have a favorite photo or a photo of your loved one during the holidays that you can frame and put out to see. This can be in a quiet place where only you see it, or it can be a more prominent display in your home. Maybe place a candle or twinkle lights nearby to give the photo some holiday glow.
4. Donate to a cause in their memory.
Donating to a charity always feels good, and you can be creative about where you donate. Maybe it's to a cause your loved one was passionate about while they were alive -- like the food bank, the humane society, or the local symphony. Maybe it's to a charity or research organization that has something to do with their cause of death.
Maybe a cash donation feels impersonal to you, or like you'd have to donate more than your resources allow to make a difference. Small donations are always appreciated and accepted. But other options could be donating blood, donating toys to a children's hospital, or donating your loved one's favorite book to a library or school. You can be creative with this to make it meaningful for you.
5. Serve with your time in a meaningful cause.
Even more than donating money, donating time helps us feel good. And just like donating money, donating your time to a cause your loved one valued is a beautiful way to honor their memory and help part of them live on. Suppose your loved one didn't have a favorite charity or cause. In that case, you could choose something that might help someone else in a similar situation, like knitting chemo caps, volunteering with meals on wheels, or volunteering with hospice. Creating random acts of kindness is another fun way to honor someone's memory.
Some people like to do charity walks or runs to raise funds for various causes. Those events don't typically happen during the holidays, but that doesn't mean you can't start getting people around you excited to participate in the event with you, even if it's just a mention in your Christmas card. People love supporting causes that they know are meaningful to those they love. In supporting your service in memory of your loved one, they are supporting you, and that feels good -- to them and to you.
6. Have a designated place to leave notes.
As the holidays bring up old memories or there are new memories you wish your loved one was part of, some people find it helpful to write a note to them to express those feelings. Keeping feelings bottled up does not help them go away, so this is a healthy way to process them. You could use a journal to write in. Recording our memories can also help relieve us of the anxiety that we will forget special memories over time, and that can bring a lot of peace. Some people like to write notes and then toss them in the fire.
If you are a family in mourning, you may want to have a family spot where everyone can contribute notes like a special stocking, box, or jar. This can be an excellent way for kids to talk about and process their feelings. Children who aren't yet able to write can draw a picture. Introducing this idea and having a designated place for it can give kids permission to process their feelings in a way they didn't know they needed to. Older children and teens may want more privacy than a box in the family room that anyone could read. If that's the case, make sure they have a place to put their notes so they can still participate if they want to.
The holidays can feel sad and different and sometimes dark when we are grieving. Finding a meaningful way to honor the person you lost and keep their memory alive is a way to bring a little light back into your holidays.
A bonus way to honor the memory of the one you lost -- not just at holiday time, but all year long, is to process the emotions that the grief of their loss has caused. Find out more about the Grief Recovery Method I teach HERE. Or schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me HERE.
