Grief in the New Year
As much as we might wish for the new year to begin with a clean slate, our experiences and feelings don't always align with the calendar. Despite being constantly greeted with "Happy New Year!" the first week of January, sometimes the start of a new year can bring with it some grief. Let's explore three reasons why the new year can come with feelings of grief.
1. If you have experienced a loss, entering a new year without that person, pet, or relationship can feel painful. A new year can remind us of the length of time since we've seen our person. A tangible marker in the passage of time, such as the new year, birthdays, or holidays, can often spark feelings of grief in this way.
It can also remind us that time is moving forward without them and that they won't be a part of this year of our life. We can grieve the future memories made without our loved one there to share these experiences with us.
2. You may have regrets about the past year. With all the talk of resolutions and self-improvement at the beginning of the year, it's easy to be reminded about our resolutions last year and how they may not have gone well. You may have wanted to reduce your screen time last year, but it turns out you are spending even more time scrolling your phone now. Maybe you still can't run a mile, speak any Spanish, or set a productive morning routine.
We can also have regrets about life circumstances that haven't changed. Perhaps you were hoping to be in a better financial situation by this year. Maybe you were hoping for a career advancement by now. Or, perhaps the new year reminds you that another year has passed, and you are still in a difficult relationship that you'd hoped would have improved or moved on from by now. You may simply have regrets that your life has not turned out how you anticipated it would by this point in your life. Regrets about the current state of your life -- the things we wish were different, better, or more -- can be sources of grief.
3. Another way we can experience grief in the new year is in the form of anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief takes the form of anxiety about what we fear or know will happen in the future. So, essentially, we are grieving things that haven't happened yet, and may not happen at all. This can be a fundamental stumbling block for people in enjoying the present.
After 2020's global pandemic, many people report feeling anxiety about the beginning of the year because things we once thought were unimaginable became a reality, and our brains try to predict what might happen next.
We can also have anticipatory grief if we know a significant change is coming in our lives -- a child graduating, a move, retirement, etc. Anticipatory grief also comes up when we have loved ones who are getting older or are in poor health.
Grief in the new year can be a challenge that arises from several different sources. Recognizing our feelings as grief can be the first step to moving forward. If our inner critic starts at us with thoughts of, "what's wrong with me? It's a brand new year, I should be happy!" or anything like that, we can quickly begin to feel shame about the way we are feeling. Giving our complex emotions recognition, permission, and their own time to be without judgment can help us move past them.
The new year can also be a time when we do want to make changes because we know we don't want to feel the same way this time next year. Working with a grief specialist to process the grieving experience or with a wellness coach to help figure out where you want to go from here is a great way to begin the year. If you are interested in either of those, please set up a consultation with me at this link, and I'd be happy to show you how I can support you in whatever you are going through.
