Food and Grief
How to nourish your body and your soul through trying times.
The aroma of freshly baked bread might take you right back to your grandma’s kitchen. Eating homemade chicken soup might remind you of all those times mom cared for you when you were sick. Eating deep-dish pizza could remind you of your trip to Chicago right before he died. Food carries powerful significance to us, not only in its ability to nourish our bodies but it’s often tied so closely to our memories of people and places that it’s no wonder food can be so inextricably tied to grief.
Many people experience significant changes to their relationship with food when grieving. Some find comfort in familiar dishes and memory-related foods, while others lose their appetite entirely and struggle to eat at all. Both of these are normal and natural responses to what your body is going through during grief.
Loss of Appetite
Grief places tremendous stress on our brains and bodies. The brain spends so much energy processing your loss that it often diverts energy away from your digestive system—there’s only so much it can give. This leads to reduced appetite. Nausea and other digestive problems are also common.
If you experience loss of appetite, you can do a few things. First, try to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water throughout the day. Second, listen to your body. Eat when you feel hungry, even if it isn’t a standard meal time. Third, try to choose foods that will be easy to digest. If you’re already feeling nauseated, eating something heavy or greasy may only make it worse. Lastly, see a doctor if this does not resolve your problem.
Common Food Experiences During Grief
Changing Eating Patterns besides Loss of Appetite
Emotional eating.
Loss of interest in cooking.
Difficulty in adjusting to eating alone.
Changed mealtime routines
Memory Triggers
Family recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation.
Special meals shared with loved ones.
Holiday traditions centered around food.
Favorite restaurants or dishes of your loved one.
The Science of Comfort Food in Grief
Understanding Emotional Eating During Loss
When we are grieving, our brains often seek comfort in the familiar flavors and textures of our favorite foods. While there is an emotional connection to this, there is also real science behind it.
Comfort foods can trigger the release of serotonin and dopamine — our feel-good hormones. Our stress hormones can decrease. Comfort foods can activate memory centers in the brain — you know, that feeling of being taken right back to a particular place and time with one bite. These things can also provide a sense of emotional security.
Why We Turn to Certain Foods
Besides turning to our individual favorites, common comfort foods during grief often share common characteristics.
Soft, warm textures (mashed potatoes, mac and cheese)
Sweet flavors that boost mood (chocolate, baked goods)
Simple, familiar preparations (soup, toast)
Childhood favorites that evoke safety
Foods associated with caregiving
The Role of Comfort Food in Healing
While comfort food isn’t a long-term coping mechanism (we’ll talk about this more below), it can serve some important functions. First, it does provide temporary emotional relief. Second, it can provide a moment of pleasure when that is hard to come by. Third, we can maintain connections with our loved ones through memories and familiar flavors. Lastly, it can offer us a sense of control or order when everything else seems chaotic.
Healthy Comfort vs. Emotional Suppression
Understanding the Difference
Healthy comfort from food:
Involves mindful eating and presence
Includes sharing meals with supportive people
Maintains connection to cherished memories
Provides genuine, temporary solace
Is part of a broader self-care strategy
Emotional suppression through food:
Uses eating to avoid feeling grief
Often involves unconscious or compulsive eating
Leads to feelings of guilt or shame
Happens in isolation
Becomes the primary coping mechanism
In my practice, we often discuss STERBS (Short-Term Energy-Releasing Behaviors). You can find out more about that in another of my blog posts HERE. STERBS are things that we do to comfort ourselves or release some of the emotional pressure we are feeling, but they don’t solve anything or help us truly heal. Food can serve as a STERB for some of us.
Signs That We Are Using Food to Avoid Grief
Eating until uncomfortably full
Feeling out of control around food
Eating in secret
Using food as a primary source of comfort
Experiencing guilt or shame after eating
Noticing patterns of emotional numbness while eating
Making Peace with Food During Grief
Practical Steps
Keep a food and mood journal
Plan meals ahead when possible
Stock your kitchen with both comfort foods and nutritious options
Create a support system for challenging moments
Develop non-food comfort rituals
Honoring Memories Through Food
Cook loved ones' recipes mindfully
Share stories about special meals
Create new traditions that incorporate old favorites
Use mealtimes for intentional remembrance
Moving Forward
Recovery doesn't mean forgetting our loved ones or our food-related memories; it means finding healthy ways to incorporate them into our new normal.
Some ideas you might consider:
Recording family recipes in a book and sharing with friends and family
Creating memory cookbooks or a blog
Starting new food traditions
Sharing meals with supportive friends and family
Your journey through grief is as unique as your relationship with the person you've lost, and your relationship with food during this time deserves gentle attention and understanding. Whether you're finding comfort in your grandmother's recipe cards, struggling to eat alone at your kitchen table, or navigating the complex waters between nourishment and emotional eating, know that your experience is valid and worthy of support.
As a grief specialist, I've walked alongside many individuals as they've navigated loss. Sometimes, having a compassionate guide can make the difference between feeling stuck and finding a path that honors your needs and memories.
Connect With Me
Taking the first step toward support is an act of self-care and courage.
To begin your journey toward healing:
Schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation HERE
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Remember, just as sharing a meal can bring comfort, sharing your story can bring healing. You don't have to navigate this path alone.
