The Disorientation of Grief

Last summer, we took a family trip to Ireland. We decided to see as much of the country as we could in our time there, so we rented a car. In Ireland, you drive on the opposite side of the road from the U.S., and we knew that would be a challenge.

What we hadn’t considered was that the car’s interior would also be set up opposite to what we are used to. The driver sits on the right. Add to that our car had a standard transmission, which I don’t know how to drive, and my husband hasn’t driven in over 25 years. Because of the orientation of the car, instead of shifting with his right hand, my husband had to shift with his left hand — no muscle memory to kick in.

Driving, which at home feels so normal, almost second nature, suddenly felt like a difficult experience. He had to think about where he was on what felt like the wrong side of the road, how the new position in the car affected where he perceived he was on the road, how to shift with his left hand, not to mention trying to navigate different driving rules, trying to follow Google’s directions in unfamiliar places, etc.

It got me thinking that this was so much like grief. You are living your life, doing familiar things, but everything feels harder. Your daily activities don’t come as naturally. It’s confusing and exhausting. It takes so much effort just to get through the day. Grief is an unfamiliar road and a route we don’t choose to take. It’s okay if it feels really challenging. Have some compassion on yourself as you navigate this new and painful territory.