Losing a Pet

Pets can be companions, confidants, friends, and part of our families. They show us unconditional love and are a source of joy. While they are not people, we still have very real and loving relationships with them. So, it makes sense that losing a pet can be a very painful experience, both for kids and adults. Sadly, it’s often a loss that doesn’t receive as much recognition or compassion from others.

 When I was in grad school, one of my professors was a neuropsychologist. She told a story of early on in her career when she received a referral for cognitive testing from a physician who had suspected the patient had dementia. This patient was older and completely withdrawn to the point of not speaking. After some patience and kind questioning from my professor, the patient revealed that her cat had recently died, and she was devastated. Her deep reaction surprised her. She was embarrassed by the magnitude of her grief over a cat. The grief combined with the intense shame of her emotions, caused her to almost totally shut down. Instead of setting up care and services for dementia, my professor helped this patient get grief counseling.

Obviously, this is an extreme case, but it illustrates two things pretty well. First, a pet’s death can be an intensely painful loss. Second, we might not find it acceptable to show the level of grief we feel because of the idea that it’s “just a pet”. Anyone who loves their pets knows, there is no such thing as “just a pet”. We know when we get a pet that we are likely to outlive them — it’s one of the great unfairnesses about life, but that doesn’t take away the pain when it’s time to say goodbye.

Grief is a normal and natural response to losing a pet. There is no reason to feel shame for this kind of loss. Don’t be afraid to seek support, especially if it doesn’t naturally come the way it would with another type of loss. The love is real, and so is the pain.